Living Life

Mismatched

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 00:27:45 -0800

Bang, crash, boom
Everything is spinning out of control
Whoosh, clang, pow
Things whirling and flying about

Peace, calm, still
The hope that I know is near
Warm, snug, safe
Life’s sweet embrace

Rip, tear, crack
The pieces are falling
Scream, cry, shout
Cannot make it out

Smile, wink, kiss
The joy that is amidst
Whole, fulfilled, valued
Someday

Is there ever opportunity to be real?

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 10:42:17 -0800

There are some things that I don’t know if I’ll ever understand. All about roles and what’s appropriate. Because even my kids know that we should always do what’s appropriate. What’s expected of us.

I have a great concern for christians. It sounds like I’m talking about “them”. Christians afar off. Or christians who are just starting out in their faith. But really I’m talking about Christians like me. Christians who grew up learning what’s appropriate. Christians who have verses so engrained in their head that they pop up at any moment.

But is what we learned right? I suppose its time to get a little more specific, if this blog post is going to be helpful to me and my processing brain. I’m talking about marriage stuff. I’m talking about problems and differences that are experienced in marriage. I’m talking about that same thing your marriage has been struggling with since the beginning. Everyone has some issue that pops to mind.

The problem I see is that christians unlike the secular world (the secular world is so quick to do some spouse bashing) are less inclined to talk about it. Not just with each other, but with a third person. With someone who will help them get through it. With someone who will hold them accountable.

Did you know that the divorce rate for christian couples is no better off than the divorce rate overall? That’s alarming. But you see somewhere along the way we were told things. In “marriage 101” we were taught that you should never ever say something to someone else that would make your spouse “look bad”. That would put your spouse to shame in front of others. Why because we’re to be uplifting. We are to be encouragers. We’re not to tear down our spouse especially to someone else.

Ephesuans 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

This verse is often quoted. What about the “helpful to building others up” part. Don’t you sometimes need to sift through the ugly truth in order to build each other up?

And then theres home groups. Home groups are supposed to be designed for accountability, belonging, and care. You’re supposed to be able to be real with people. This is supposed to be the setting where you can share your heart. Where scripture or a study is shared and you should be able to be honest and genuine about your struggles with it. But what happens? The same thing that always happens. You don’t share anything deep down because that wouldn’t be uplifting. Its true, nobody in the group is really qualified to be a “counselor”. They can’t solve your marriage problems for you. And beware of the couple that shares an actual real life fight that occurred recently. Something the couple disagrees about and really could use an other opinion. Nope, you can’t share that. Why? Because its not fair to the spouse to not be able to appropriately defend themselves. Its not fair to make the rest of the group “choose sides” leaving one person feeling attacked. So there’s no opportunity to really be real. To really let your guard down. Because what you’re supposed to talk about is you, not them. The problem is in marriage most real issues deal with both people. So talking about “only you” is like only sharing half the story. Its so frustrating.

Its dangerous. This Christian world where you can’t really talk to a single person about an ongoing issue. Another reason its a struggle to be a christian is that we’re called to be examples.

1 Timothy 4:12 but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
Its hard to always be thinking of being an example. It makes you feel like you’ve got to be perfect. You want to help people along their journey. You want to show them that “it can be done”. Yet all the while you have this burning desire to just spill the beens. That you cannot continue this way on you’re own. That you need help! That in your many years of marriage with the same struggle you and your spouse haven’t made progress. And you’re ready to just explode. You’re ready to do something drastic - if you could muster up enough courage. But what would people say? Who could you even tell? Are you supposed to even talk about things
Is the only way to get help to seek a professional? Because then you wouldn’t be making your marriage look bad to people who know you. Shouldn’t we the church be available for each other? Shouldn’t we God’s family be ready to counsel - at least share from our experiences - even if we’re not professionals? Why does it seem like the only “appropriate” way to get help is to talk to a stranger? Someone who doesn’t really love me.
It just doesn’t seem right. All of this silence. Hiddenness. Struggles that cannot and probably will never get addressed. People you love that you will never really talk to. It just doesn’t seem right. That’s all I got to say. It just doesn’t seem right.

One of those little blessings.

Thu, 8 Oct 2009 09:28:47 -0700

I don’t know if you have a tough sleep night like I do. Maybe I’m the only one who has a weird brain. Wednesday nights are by far my toughest sleep night. I have one of those minds that once its turned on, it just keeps racing. Leadership night at church is certain to turn on my brain. As I lie down to sleep, my mind remains alive with thought. It circles around ideas sometimes getting excited and sometimes even getting annoyed. I cannot turn it off. All night I toss and turn thinking on strategies and topics. Last night took me down memory lane and I could not stop. Its one of those trains that you pull on the brakes, knowing you should stop, but the train is going with so much force it can’t be stopped. Many times I’m quite frankly, annoyed that my brain does this. But why wouldn’t it do this? Seriously, for a stay a home mom, this window to the outside world is all my brain has to feed on. My brain is invigorated. Its like my brain is saying “all right I’m getting a work out and I love it”.

I had set my alarm with hopes of an early morning time studying (yes, I’m still doing Berean. Yes, I still haven’t finished). When it rings, my body and brain are not ready. I shut it off with gusto. I hear my boys arise. I jump up ready to enforce the “no computers this early, rule” only to find, they are cuddled up together on a couch. Relief. I make an invitation to my bed, which is joyfully accepted. And we sleep. I wake up several times, and all is quiet - we sleep some more. The only thought in my head is “listen to your bodies. If everyone is asleep, everyone needs sleep”. We just sleep. It is peaceful, restful, and I am not tossing and sifting through my brain. I am enjoying rest.

I am so blessed by sleep. I count it as such a blessing. I remember our rush rush rush days. Where mornings were spent in a hurry, sleepyeyd, and speeding down the road just to make it on time. I remember even being home, frazzled and sleepyeyed waking people up just to keep on a made up schedule. Nope, I don’t want to go back to that place in life. I am enjoying the freedom that comes when you listen to the bodies cues. All will be completed, all will be ok. Tomorrow our eyes may open bright and early (because believe it or not, there are days where everyone is awake at 7, even me - I know hard to believe right). But today was a day that we were blessed with sleep.

Am I perfect yet?

Tue, 1 Sep 2009 16:33:49 -0700

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result so that you may be perfect and complete lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

What kind of gifts do you give?

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 16:27:46 -0700

I am not a gifts person. As a giver or a receiver. I don’t give gifts often. I don’t automatically think of giving you a thank you note or a small birthday token. My brain just doesn’t work that way. Often times, people will give me gifts - by brain doesn’t usually feel loved by them it analyzes them. Why are you giving me this? Is this a “consolation prize” of some sort - because I may have made a comment about feeling down or whatever.

But there are times where a gift given to me out of the blue - makes me feel so special and cared for! What is the difference? Well, I’ll take you on a trip through my little brain.

A friend of mine, was going through a hard time of her own - and she in the midst of that chose to make a stop to buy me a gift. This wasn’t a can of Pepsi - which I always love. She bought me a pretty journal notebook. Why did this gift mean something - when so many others just cause me to question? She thought it out. For a good time now, I’ve been talking (through twitter) about a new found fascination with writing. Writers notebooks, life journals, just loving getting thoughts on paper. She paid attention. The gift reflected me.

So many times, people give me little cutesy decorative items - because they think that’s me. I’m not a precious moments gal or any other trinkets like that. They don’t really know me. Other times I get pictures with cute little babies and a scripture verse on them, because that “should be me” - they saw it and it made them think of me for some reason, but that is not me.

So I know its the thought that counts right? How dare I be so ungrateful when people love me enough to even think of me, right? But the thought is precisely what counts! If they really get to know me, and really think of ME (not what they like) then their gift really will show a reflection of me.

If you’ve ever read Gary Chapmans “Five Love Languages” book - you will see that everyone gives and receives love differently. Usually the same way that you like to feel loved. So my tip for those of you with a “gifts” love language - when giving to a “quality time” type of person, take the time while shopping to really get something that speaks to them. That makes the gift, become a quality time thing.

And to you who gave me the gift - thanks. I felt very appreciated.

What happened to the colors?

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 15:00:17 -0700

What is it about those colorful aisles? Rows and rows of color that beckon you to go in.

Are we all just ingrained with creativity waiting to take form? A colorful drawing, a writing from the soul, a scribble full of meaning.

Why then does the yearning fade? We’ve given in to our hearts plea. We bought, we stacked, we organized. Those beautiful colors.

So many pages lie empty. So many colors untouched. So many pages unread.

Why do those colors fade into gray?

Lemonade lessons.

Wed, 8 Jul 2009 21:40:05 -0700

Did you ever imagine that a simple lemonade stand would cause so much thought within you? Lemonade stands are just cute little things that kids do to earn a few coins, right? Oh, but they can mean so much more than that.

Just last week 6 children decided to have a lemonade stand. They decided. Nobody told them to, nobody hinted at it. They decided. Those two little words have caused me much thought. You see, they heard of a need - a Vacation Bible School at their own church - and they decided to do something about it. They didn’t set their sites on a means unattainable to them. They didn’t ask mommy and daddy to write out a big check. They decided to use their abilities to accomplish. What could kids do to earn money? What was within their means and abilities - a lemonade stand.

Still not getting it? Why the post? Why the deep thoughts? These 6 kids are great and awesome kids. They took initiative to do something about the need. They didn’t wait for the VBS coordinator to organize a church wide lemonade stand. Nope. They decided. Can you just begin to image the possibilities as these kids get older. As their abilities increase. Man o man!

Oh don’t get me wrong - I absolutely believe kids are the church of now (not tomorrow). But lets all agree that we also believe and trust God for these kids to STILL be in church tomorrow (future)! So imagine what they will be like! They won’t be the ones as many of us - who hold their pocketbooks so tightly. Who turn in a reimbursement form for every little thing they buy! Seriously, we all say we want to be an Acts 2 church - check out verse 45 “Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need.” Truthfully are we willing to do that, when we won’t even support our corporate body?

Nope, when these kids are adults - they will be a new breed of christians. The ones who take initiative and do. The ones who decide to do something about the need - without an organized cause. I want this to spread from the kids to the adults. I want us all to take a lesson from lemonade: stop waiting for someone to organize, instruct, or beg you. Get up, use your abilities, YOU DECIDE to do something about the needs around you!

Peace in the midst.

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 22:28:32 -0700

Knowing how God “wired” you is very important. It is the difference between feeling like you have severe character/personality flaws and knowing that God planned you that way. I’ve always been interested in personality profiles. I think they are very insightful in terms of discovering your strengths and yes your weaknesses. I have taken so many. I always come out the same. Melancholy, Beaver, High C whatever you want to call it. I am completely opposite of the Sanguine, Otter, or High I. There are many great things about each and every personality. There has to be - God designed us all.

So many of you know about my last month “in the waiting”. The outcome was just as it should be. I did not get the job. But there is peace in it all. After asking some probing questions to find out what the reasons were it became very evident that they were looking for more of a Sanguine - Otter personality. The things that deterred them from me were all part of my Melancholy, Beaver, High C personality. So where is the peace in that? I am who I am. God designed me on purpose. He designed me a Melancholy. Part of his design is that I am NOT an overly bubbly extroverted person. He planned that out. He made me great at other things. The things He made me great at are the thing he NEEDS me to be great at! So when hearing that they weren’t looking for an introvert - hey that means they aren’t looking for me. That’s not a flaw in me. God designed me perfectly suited for the job he designed perfectly for me.

Oh sure, we all have weaknesses. There are always areas we can work on - but at the core of it all. We need to realize what we value deep down inside. Can we communicate that when asked. I did in the interview. Do we operate in the giftings that God has instilled in us? Absolutely. I am the byproduct of God’s design and the experiences that he has brought me through. There’s peace in that.

If you’re interested in your personality type - here are a few options.

OneIshy.com an online assessment

A quite lengthy description of the various personalities.

A quick description.

PS. this blog post is reminding me of a previous one. hmm I’ll have to look up the archives. I think it was introvert verses extrovert or something. hmm.

Will your kids get jobs?

Sat, 21 Mar 2009 21:40:48 -0700

What was your very first job? How old were you? Was it just spending money or did you have responsibilities with that money?

I was in a 15 passenger van with a great group of people today. Somehow we got on the topic of school kids having jobs. The first kids that came up were those that have to get up early to work in crops then go to school and then back to the fields. It would be rough and tiring for them. Then someone piped up that growing up they weren’t allowed to have a job - because it would deter them from their school studies.

Got me thinking. I’ve always seen working as good for kids. My daughter likes to help out with her baby cousins. She even mentioned receiving a “small pension” for helping with babies each Sunday. I think its a good thing. Builds responsibility, character, etc.

So what do you think? As kids get older are after school jobs great? Are they beneficial or are they too taxing on the body. Obviously everything has to have balance. I’m guessing the kids that work in the fields at 5 am and then after school as well - are just ready to crash when they get home. Therefore, their schooling is neglected. But what about the Safeway baggers? Should kids work? Or should they be encouraged more towards after school activities?

What’s your vote? Work or play? What did you do?

I worked my junior and senior year. My money was pretty much my own. Oh, I did buy my very first pair of contact lenses! Now that was an amazing day.

Sometimes you can talk about “dirty laundry”

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 21:29:24 -0800

Over at The Homeschool Post, a new meme has come up. Although I don’t have a “large family”, it seemed like a great thing to blog about.

THEME
This question was posted at a Large Family Homeschooling fourm, and I thought it would be fun as one of the memoirs.
Question: Watching the Duggars, and other mega families [our family of 11 is small in comparison!] I was astounded at how many loads of washing. Do all large families do 7 loads a day and more, as I was thinking it sounds a little OTT?
So share all about your laundry. It’s on very rare occasion that it’s suitable to air dirty laundry. lol

Laundry has always been an issue for us. As a kid I HATED anything to do with laundry! Although my mom often used the term “folding party” - yeah right. I especially hated the fact that we hung our clothes on a clothesline. Where we lived in the summer there were tons of dragonflies. I would race out to the clothesline dodging dragonflies the whole way. Yuck. There would even be some that landed on the clothes and I’d be scared pull the clothes off.

I am very thankful that I do not have dragonflies surrounding my laundry at this time. We’ve always had laundry piling in our bedroom. When we lived at my mom’s we had a clean side and a dirty side. The clean side would be full of baskets that were awaiting the “folding party”. Guess I’m not much of a party girl! Once we had a basement with a laundry area and I thought my problems were solved. Except for the HUMONGOUS spiders that lived down there. I always went down to the laundry in prayer!

Now . . . I am actually in a stable laundry situation! Yahoo! We have a basement laundry room. This basement does not have huge spiders. We have cabinets and a nice size countertop. I have a long table just a few steps away. Yep its my laundry heaven. So how often? How many loads a day? I don’t do a load a day. There are 5 in our family. Pretty much once a week, for us. Our bedroom is still the huge dirty laundry pile for the upstairs (us and our daughter), our boys throw their stuff on the laundry room floor (when it even makes it out of their rooms). We sort the clothes into piles, then begin production. Its all washed and folded pretty much on the same day. Cathy helps out a lot. Even the boys will do a load. Whoever is in earshot - when I say “go switch the clothes”. I do most of the folding - but I use it as my quiet time. Just time to think. Plus, I’m not folding laundry on top of my bed. Oh, I should mention - the dreaded whites. That pile is always the last pile, which means sometimes we don’t get to it. We can go for 2 weeks, at least. Longer if we decide to just go to Walmart and buy everyone new socks (which has happened on more than one occasion)

So how about you? What’s you’re laundry story?